When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better. Kushandwizdom.tumblr.com I don't know about you but after a depressive episode or manic episode that turned psychotic, I do believe that one wants the fragments of what occurred during that episode to piece itself together like …

When bipolar souls collide

A rather ordinary Wednesday got transformed by 2 patients willing to share their mental health journeys. The differences were stark but also similar. Connecting the puzzle of each one's unique struggles and how they came to be sitting on a bench waiting in line for a consultation with the same psychiatrist. Is it simply fate …

Why saying I love you is hard?

As I try to change neural pathways in my bipolar brain, I am stuck at the sheer wrenching of I love you from my lips. Maybe because my mind knows love is not enough to save what needed falling apart. Took my body and soul to a place to heal from this crushing fall. My …

Because sometimes you can’t have your birthday cake and eat it…

A new year and now the blues settle around me because of my upcoming birthday that is a few days away. In the midst of a full throttle depressive episode, I lack the excitement, joy and celebratory spirit that comes with my birthday. My birthday has always been the highlight of my social summer calendar …

Scared to start over

Dear friends it's been a long time since I have shared my thoughts but haven't you found this year incredibly tough in all respects. Yes, I am thankful for the reflection the days at home allowed but it didn't remove my anxiety or fear. I have been unemployed for close to 2 years now and …

What still trips me up…

Well, the emotional upheaval of everyday life. Those minor misunderstandings that lead to major meltdowns. I took a mental health day yesterday after feeling brilliant for months. I thought I was finally in a positive place. Life has purpose again. The opportunity to live and work abroad and I am grabbing the opportunity with both …

Walking the Clouds alone without being lonely

After a recent break up I realized that Walking the Clouds alone is OK without feeling the accompanying loneliness. I feel better off and empowered. I walked away from a situation that was not good for me. A situation that made me feel imprisoned rather than free. And if I must admit I wasn't happy …

Happiness can you be found?

I sometimes think that happiness has made me an arch enemy and dislikes me with such intensity we could never cross paths. I find misery, disappointment, hopelessness and conflict are my permanent allies. I am not consoled by the slightest moments of light. I am wrestling both inwardly and outwardly with my mind and soul. …

Lost

Trying to find myself in the sea of joblessness is proving difficult. I find myself more lost as time passes. And finding my sanity at its most vulnerable and fragile. Trying to cope without medication is proving impossible. I can see the decline in my thoughts and increased anxiety. As if worrying enough will bring …

Jostling hope

How does one jostle hope when feeling on the brink of a nervous breakdown?? I am taking a stride towards hope by writing this blog post. And putting words to screen feels good. Unemployment, depression, rejection, more depression and a million other little things like running out of medication. Not resulting in hypo mania but …

Finding hope through the impossible

As I have walked this blog journey I have shared that I am job hunting. Despite bipolar depression ready to sink in, I am fortunately still able to apply for jobs. I had an interview recently that is always cause for stress deluxe to my system. I know what to expect but every interview scenario …