Jostling hope

How does one jostle hope when feeling on the brink of a nervous breakdown?? I am taking a stride towards hope by writing this blog post. And putting words to screen feels good.

Unemployment, depression, rejection, more depression and a million other little things like running out of medication. Not resulting in hypo mania but a mixed episode. Back down that rabbit hole except without medical aid no chance of in hospital treatment but a doctor and therapist on standby.

Mixed episodes mean I never know whether I am coming or going with mood swinging rapidly from lows to highs. All I feel inclined to do is to withdraw from life every aspect of my life and crawl into a ball while life is passing me by.

What do you find meaningful when life seems to suck? I suck at being in limbo. I have found unconditional support from those who care about me most, talk therapy, winter’s day wine tastings which I don’t recommend when one is supposed to be on medication, laughing, looking forward to spending days in the sun and reaching out to love and talented hairstylists. Frequent bouts of insomnia have left me sleep deprived and made my unhappy self more unhappy but I leave in a few days for a beach holiday with friends. And I hope soaking up vitamin D will restore my spirits and my vitality.

May this winter season end quickly!!! May a job opening find me and may the opportunity I walk into be set apart for me allowing me to thrive.

May I find that hope has an infinite source that replenishes while my fatigued soul and body cannot move another inch. I have been robbed of many things on this bipolar road but hope has proved to be in surplus no matter how bad it gets.

Keep the hope alive!

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