When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better. Kushandwizdom.tumblr.com I don't know about you but after a depressive episode or manic episode that turned psychotic, I do believe that one wants the fragments of what occurred during that episode to piece itself together like …

Why saying I love you is hard?

As I try to change neural pathways in my bipolar brain, I am stuck at the sheer wrenching of I love you from my lips. Maybe because my mind knows love is not enough to save what needed falling apart. Took my body and soul to a place to heal from this crushing fall. My …

Because sometimes you can’t have your birthday cake and eat it…

A new year and now the blues settle around me because of my upcoming birthday that is a few days away. In the midst of a full throttle depressive episode, I lack the excitement, joy and celebratory spirit that comes with my birthday. My birthday has always been the highlight of my social summer calendar …

Scared to start over

Dear friends it's been a long time since I have shared my thoughts but haven't you found this year incredibly tough in all respects. Yes, I am thankful for the reflection the days at home allowed but it didn't remove my anxiety or fear. I have been unemployed for close to 2 years now and …

What still trips me up…

Well, the emotional upheaval of everyday life. Those minor misunderstandings that lead to major meltdowns. I took a mental health day yesterday after feeling brilliant for months. I thought I was finally in a positive place. Life has purpose again. The opportunity to live and work abroad and I am grabbing the opportunity with both …

Walking the Clouds alone without being lonely

After a recent break up I realized that Walking the Clouds alone is OK without feeling the accompanying loneliness. I feel better off and empowered. I walked away from a situation that was not good for me. A situation that made me feel imprisoned rather than free. And if I must admit I wasn't happy …

Happiness can you be found?

I sometimes think that happiness has made me an arch enemy and dislikes me with such intensity we could never cross paths. I find misery, disappointment, hopelessness and conflict are my permanent allies. I am not consoled by the slightest moments of light. I am wrestling both inwardly and outwardly with my mind and soul. …

Lost

Trying to find myself in the sea of joblessness is proving difficult. I find myself more lost as time passes. And finding my sanity at its most vulnerable and fragile. Trying to cope without medication is proving impossible. I can see the decline in my thoughts and increased anxiety. As if worrying enough will bring …

Jostling hope

How does one jostle hope when feeling on the brink of a nervous breakdown?? I am taking a stride towards hope by writing this blog post. And putting words to screen feels good. Unemployment, depression, rejection, more depression and a million other little things like running out of medication. Not resulting in hypo mania but …

Finding hope through the impossible

As I have walked this blog journey I have shared that I am job hunting. Despite bipolar depression ready to sink in, I am fortunately still able to apply for jobs. I had an interview recently that is always cause for stress deluxe to my system. I know what to expect but every interview scenario …

Jobless does not mean hopeless

I am going through a tough time personally. I left my job 4 months ago due to my work situation affecting my health and despite every effort cannot seem to be successful. Ever been there? I sometimes get that exasperated feeling of what's the point but all I know is I cannot give up. While …