Depression on Repeat

It’s hard to sleep when your heart is at war with your mind. Taken from Pinterest

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top
Photo by Kat Jayne on



I think this quote has so much truth but I may rephrase it to say that it’s hard when your mind is at war as often is the case when one has depression on repeat isn’t it? I find it hard to sleep, concentrate, get active, get out of bed and all my self-care habits go out the window. This battlefield has one frontier and two enemies my strong mind versus my depressed mind. The battle lines are drawn and on any given day any side can win.

I have been asking myself often how do I beat bipolar? How do I get a grip on something that I cannot overcome alone? I have tried to walk away from my bipolar struggles a few times and yet I am here and standing. The universe felt otherwise. So it continues. Right now my strong mind is getting its ass kicked.

I feel like I am that soldier that lacks courage hiding in the ditches trying to avoid coming face to face with my rival while almost being blown to smithereens. Not a pretty picture hey? So how do I pick myself up and see the pieces of shrapnel all around me and wade through the mud to get to safety on the other side of depression. Not sure that it’s sanity but normalcy or euthymia if we need to get technical.

I so much want to believe in the possibility of it and that it will eventually arrive my safe landing but the years have been hard and the war has waged for too long. It is definitely time for peace. Peace of mind. Peace of heart. Peace of spirit. May I find it soon!

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